"The Poem" roughdraft

Okay, I thought this poem up on about 4/30/12 or 5/1/12. It is titled "I Crave". I wrote it down a few days later in rough draft. If I was to actually give it to you, I might would modify it. But, for the record, here's how it got written down:

I CRAVE (by yours truly - serendipity soul mate)

I crave your touch,
I crave your voice,
I crave your eyes and your gaze.
I crave your body,
I crave your warmth,
I crave your embrace and it's safety.
I crave your passion,
I crave your heart,
I crave your openness and your vulnerability.
I crave your mind,
I crave your conversation,
I crave your strength and directness.
I crave your arms,
I crave your smile,
I crave your fun and loving spirit.
I crave you sight of you standing over me,
I crave laying next to you.
I crave riding "the roller coaster" with you both in person and in spirit.
I crave the miracle of your love.
I hope I don't have to live eternity without you.

Okay. I will probably post some lyrics in the next post.

And Oh, I read today a transcript of one of the last of our conversations - probably the Thursday or Friday before the best and worst day of my life. Anyway, reading that made me think again that maybe you do still care and think about me. Your love for me then seemed to be so real and sincere. Could it have just died in an instant? I hope not.. I hope that you just pushed it aside to "do the right thing" for your kids. I can totally understand that. I just want you to know that I really, really, really felt sincere, deep love for you and it was a deep and abiding love. There was something much stronger than the "animal magnetism", at least I believe so from my side. Maybe one of these days I will understand. I know I need to move on and focus on getting myself right and on preparing myself to be the best woman possible for you. You only deserve me at my very best and I have not been on my best behavior. Partly because I am driven by this need, this hunger, this determination, curiously, this raw yearning to know what it is/was all about, and also the burning desire to have what I only hope God will bless us with one day in his own time and in his own wisdom if it will bless us and if we are worthy of it.

I hope you don't think I sound crazy or obsessed. Unless this actually is what obsession is...I'm not completely denying that accusation. But it doesn't feel that way to me. I also know that if something wonderful came along in my life, I wouldn't pass it up, especially if I was living right because that must be what God has in store for me. But, let me tell you, it would be hard for me to even let that something good get a foot in the door with you on my mind, heart, body, and soul. If I am wrong in feeling and thinking and saying this, then I guess I will be condemned. I don't want that. I want to be your everything, I want to walk beside you and make you the happiest man on the planet and the happiest Dad in eternity because I believe that if we could have what I know God provides through the temple ordinances then we could have children beyond this life and that is one thing that I would love to give you more than anything because you are such a great Dad. I know your children bring you joy. I want to share that with you so much.

Well, my crazy self is getting carried away. I want to read more in the series. I am still on book 8 right now.

I've got to stop even though with you there is no convenient stopping point. I just hope God leads me to know when is the right time to contact you. Or, even better, I hope that he will lead you to contact me since I am scared to contact you for fear it might ruin everything AGAIN!

Good night heavenly gift from God, gorgeous, brilliant, gentle angel of light, peace, pleasure, and perfection (ha I know not yet, but we can maybe reach it together)!

Love,
Me