Happy New Year to you LM

Well, it is already 2012 where you are my friend . I wonder how you rang it in and if you even think about me any more at all. Yesterday was really bad when I made the mistake of checking my sound profile on my phone and checked to see what the instant message/bbm volume/ringtone was set to.  It was so awful to hear the sound when I hit "Try It" and heard that sound that used to make my heart skip a beat and a smile immediately come to my face.  That was the weirdest thing hearing it since I had not heard that unique sound since that dreadful morning of November 3rd when my whole world caved in. I just cried and cried and cried. I don't think I will do that to myself again. I guess it was kind of like pavlov's dogs haha! But wouldn't it be terrible for those dogs to have heard the sound and know that the food was gone and probably never coming back?  What a miserable feeling indeed!
Hopefully I will live and learn. I hope you had a great New Year's Eve even though I hope you were not lonely and sure you were not with the great family you have. 
I am surrounded by very loving family and friends this evening, but still have such an emptiness that can only be filled with you right now.  I guess that sounds pathetic and would be possibly annoying to you at this point, but isn't that why it is great that I can't actually tell you. I can tell you I sang my heart out for you on some karaoke songs tonight. And also I was really singing for you a couple of nights ago...some Celine Dion song...It was actually fun and a release to just belt it out over and over with such emotion because I was all by myself at the house.  The thoughts of you are very bittersweet at times...bringing smiles, tears, hopes, fears, unanswered questions always. And the undying hunger for you to touch me, to talk to me, to look into my eyes and to hold me.  And of course there is more that isn't fit to say for the moment.
Well, gotta go sing some more and eat dessert. It's almost midnight here now, too. I miss you and wonder sometimes if you are looking at the same moon and stars. They were really pretty a couple of nights earlier this week. I pray you will have a really good year.
So long!

Almost the New Year

I am hoping that 2012 will bring me a new perspective and less of my pining and whining! Maybe this blog will help me to get it off my chest.

I'm not able to do this completely in the open and will have to change names to protect the innocent and the not-so innocent, but will try and honestly and openly reflect my thoughts on what has happened and is happening. I am starting this primarily to write about my thoughts and feelings about the recent whirlwind relationship with what I believe to be my soulmate and the ongoing problems that I am experiencing as a result of it and it's abrupt ending on November 2/3, 2011. A night and day I will never forget as well as one I know that he will never forget either since he said it was probably the worst night of his life.  I know it was at least the beginning of the worst period in my life maybe ever. And it is still ongoing.

I may also mix in a little about my feelings of guilt, etc... and also about my diagnosis and treatment of breast cancer that I just got confirmed on 13Dec11.

Well, I have to write this somewhat in secret right now, too. So I have to end the post for now as there are family members around.

Happy New Year and I hope it is better! I hope I can resolve some of my issues and move on with life in the way I need to. Cheers and God Bless!