I can't keep up with the number of things that I want to tell you all day long. There are so many different things that cross my mind.
Last night I was thinking of how much I wished that you could be the father of my children, especially of my daughter. I know that is probably an awful thing to think, but I know that you would have given her so much love and she would have had such a different experience with family and with a real Dad. Anyway, that is probably a very ungrateful statement. I AM however, grateful for the life she has had and the protection that God has had upon her and her spirit. She is a lovely and resilient person and I just feel she deserves so much better. But, who am I to question God? It is not really God that I question, but myself and my foolish, scared decision-making over the years. anyway, I was really longing for you in that way last night..
On another note: I just read this article and thought it would be nice to remember later on, and the last few paragraphs of it sum up quite nicely how I think that I SHOULD view all of the craziness in life and that I should have faith in God through it all. Here is the link.
http://ldsmag.com/church/article/10185?ac=1&start=1
On the other note: I have been thinking of more and more songs everyday that I want to "dedicate" or sing to you. HAHA! I am such a ding-dong, but oh well! You probably figured that out a long time ago. I think that you liked me in spite of it, but I still don't know on that one...you might have decided to discard me partially due to that. Anyway, the most recent song I was thinking of was the one that says, "I want you, I want you so baaad baby. I want yooouu...." Along those lines. :)
I need to make a playlist or CD or something and somehow sometime get it to you. WTF, right?
Okay, gotta go. I wish so bad that you could help me through this tumultuous time.
I love you,
Me
No comments:
Post a Comment