In a hurry but had to say hi.

I have to run to my radiation appointment (#4 of 30 today). I just want to say I think of you almost constantly and it drives me crazy in some ways, but makes me happy in some ways. I relate almost everything I hear or read to you in some way...whether it be to my relationship to you, or to your family, or to your well being, or your thoughts, etc...
I miss you so much and always find myself "talking" to you meaning that what I want to say to you goes through my mind all the time. I don't know if that is healthy or not, but it doesn't seem to be hurting me except a little sadness at times, and then a little feeling of being completely unrealistic and ridiculous at times. But, oh well, we have to have dreams, right?!

Gotta run,
I love you tremendously!
Me

Hard to keep up with this!

I just have to say I am not keeping up with my thoughts and feelings very well here but let me tell you, you are CONSUMING MY THOUGHTS NIGHT AND DAY!

I have a lot of crazy hectic situations going on here, but I am so happy that I am finally at least doing something about ALL OF THEM.

Thank you for the motivation and inspiration that you may never know you have given me. You are so special and so dear to my heart that I hope one day I will be able to tell you. I hope you are not angry with me or hate me or think I am utterly disgusting. I'm gonna show you how good I can be hopefully.

But, I am still trying to put my faith and trust in God first. I get a little silly at times, but my gosh - a girl has to have some fun!

Anyway, as I said, I think of you constantly...I don't know if it is a punishment or what, but it's not all bad...like I say, it at least makes me think about things and motivates me to do SOMETHING rather than NOTHING!

You did amaze me, and I am still amazed at what you brought out in me. I wish that I could have had more time to do something for you, or at least to know if I left you better or worse than I found you.

I honestly love you,
My heart is forever yours,
M

March Missing You Madness

Just have to say I miss you tremendously - more than you could imagine. I kind of wish I would not think of you so often because it is puzzling and a bit painful. Maybe this is my punishment. Well, life is just moving along...in way different ways than it used to. I love you and thank you for the inspiration you have given me. I just hope that one day, someday, we can at least come to terms and I can know that you forgive me and still at least have the hope and love in Christ. So sorry I let you down. I hope that all is good with you and can hardly stand not knowing...but if there is one thing that I should have learned a lesson on from this is to have patience and don't push God's timing. I wish my ADD would go away!
Anyway, I'm already getting carried away because all I wanted to say was I MISS YOU!

Sincerely,
Me

Lots going on...wonder how you are...

Hey I feel like it has been forever! I have been swamped and super busy. But, don't think for a minute that I have forgotten you. I think you know (and hope you know) that I will probably never, ever forget you. At this point it feels as if I will never even go one day without thinking of you. And sooooo many things remind me of you anyway. You are absolutely amazing and I hope you are living with the confidence and assurance of who you are and how valuable you are to God and to others. Somehow I think you are, but I will pray for you just in case you need to know how loved you are. I wish I could give you a hug and I so often remember sitting across that table from you two times now long ago and wish I would have known then what I know now, but what could have changed? I don't know and can only hope that one day our paths will cross again for good.

Anyway, I am hopefully slowly but surely knocking down all of my barriers to freedom. It's a little scary, but also a little exhilarating. I miss you so so much! I wonder how you are doing and I also wonder how you are doing in church and if you are progressing in the gospel like you want to. I wish I could talk about it with you. I hope so, and I hope you are really enjoying your children and I am sure they are enjoying you. I am so sorry that you even had to be in the position you were in where you even had to face the thought of losing them. Oh what a tangled web we weave!

I am into the Tribulation Force now. I love reading the books even though I hardly ever get time to. I had lunch with my sister-in-law today. It was nice and good and we ate outside. The weather was nice even though a little overcast. I need to be getting out more to get my vitamin D so I have been outside a little at lunchtime everyday this week. My favorite thing to do lately is go to my favorite grocery store and shop a little and then sit outside and read my book. It's weird because I sit there and relate myself and my friend to different characters at different times. And I'm still so curious to see what ends up happening to Hattie.

Well, I wish I could write more detail, but just in case anyone ever reads this, I don't want to give too much away. I've probably already done too much damage for myself, but I still can't bring myself to write some of my most personal thoughts and problems and feelings - at least lately...I know I probably blabbed and spilled them out when I first started writing. I hope if you ever read this you don't think I'm a fool.

Well, gotta go to bed now...I wish I could turn back time...good night my love!

Me