Not One of the Better Days, but...

I am just a little down in the dumps now. I had bad news on a job offer today...it was a lot lower $ than I was expecting. I do have an interview for another one, though, on Tuesday. And then I had to see your pic when pulling up a search on facebook that contained the same letters as your name. So, I made the mistake of clicking on it and seeing your new timeline page and just crying.

In some ways I am so upset with you for letting me just sit in this pain. When I think about it, it should tell me that you are cruel to put me through it, but I don't usually think that. I am just a little upset at you for breaking my heart, but probably more upset at myself for letting it get broken and being naive enough to ever hope or believe in it. I better just quit talking about it because I am just tearing up and starting to get stopped up sinuses again. I have cried enough today and had enough disappointment. Oh, how I WANT TO BE STRONG, but I just am not strong enough to block out my true feelings, or maybe I don't want to. I think only God knows how badly I want to talk to you.

I just don't know what I am going to do about this. I don't want you to hate me or think that I am pathetic. I know that I am not, I am just hopelessly in love, or whatever you want to call it. Sometimes I feel so strong and so positive and upbeat about the future, and then at other times I realize that no one knows or understands what I'm going through and that maybe I'm just full of it...I'll never have what I'm dreaming of. Of course, I know that if I would just seek to do God's wil, and seek the kingdom of God, all things will be added. But you probably know that at least for me that is easier said than done. I feel so undisciplined at times.

Anyway, gotta go...I hope you and K, D, and J are going to have a great Easter and I hope you have great hope and faith in Christ and that you are all happy and healthy. And I shamelessly wish that you would come save me on a white horse! Hahaha - I have to lighten my stupid butt up! I'm really not much of a "wallower" - I can't stand that!

I've said enough.
Til whenever,
Me